SPRINGTIME IN THE SOUTHLAND: We're embarking today on our "Southland" tour leg of our latest speaking fiasco tour. Check it out: Four gigs, back to back! Knoxville, Lexington, Charlotte and Atlanta! Wow! Bringing our patented "Tall Tales From A Large Man" roadshow to the South! Believe it.

Our filmmaker Jess Gibson is along for the ride, capturing all the magic for a little documentary about this week, and, the tour at large. Thanks for coming along, buster. DO NOT leave that camera unattended. I'm gonna be pressing buttons and shit on it, whenever I can.

We flew down to Atlanta today, snagged a Ford Edge rental rig and whipped up towards Knoxville. Made it about 25 miles past Chattanooga, throwing in the towel at a Howard Johnson motel. Was starting to see double, so I had to pull off.

Tomorrow, Knoxville! Been waiting months for this one!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE: To my mom, for her patience, grace, wisdom and love for us. I was blessed with a wonderful mom, and I'm forever thankful to have her. That's a fact.

To Leigh for her EXTREME patience, soothing, care and consideration with me and her little Ewok, and, the love she slathers us with. Thank you. But a couple weeks to go on that Master's Degree, lady!

To Leah for raising little Oliver so well, always exhibiting creativity, strength and devotion. And to all the other moms out there, for giving all of us life. Appreciation is felt.

We all hung out at Leah's today. I was a little under the weather. Guess who took supper by the cajones? The moms. Always. They whipped up a meal of chicken, asparagus, veggies, macaroni salad, salad and crunchy bread...and cake.

Leigh, I swear to ya, when I get back from this tour, I'll take you out for a nice meal, a movie and a trip to Target, where I'll load you up with whatever you need. Next week. Let's get popcorn!

MOM AND DAD ARE HERE, AND OF COURSE, I'M BUSY: And that's how the shit always goes. They get here, and every time, I'm up to my nuts in projects. Bummer. And it's Saturday, and Leigh, Ewok and I are in the shop battling it out. Leigh's wrangling DDC merch, I'm pounding on an upcoming North Carolina print and Ewok is abusing the Netflix account.

We're heading down to Leah's pad in a bit here, so that's cool. Just kinda want to be on the couch, next to mom and dad. Simple requests in a busy time.

THAT'S A PICTURE OLIVER MADE OF ME: Pretty good likeness, too. Check the beard and unruly hair. Oliver is drawing now, and just starting to write his name. So awesome.

The highlight of the day was having Chaba Thai with everyone tonight. Our favorite Thai restaurant in Portland. They know us and everything! Mom, dad, Leah Peah, Leigh, Ewok, Oliver and me. I am so stuffed right now. Damn.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE MAN: Oliver turns three today! Happy Birthday, little buddy. You are the joy of so many people's lives. Your mom and dad, your Grammy and Papa, your Abuela, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends...

Leah made him the coolest LEGO cake! Lucky little shit. Three whole years old. Held the little taco when he was an hour old.

Oliver James, Oliver James! Happy Birthday, buddy...

That room was big! They were announcing something big here.

We got to meet House Industries' Ken Barber!

Making friends with Adobe Illustrator programmers! Yes! The kings!

OUR TIME DOWN HERE HAS COME TO AN END: We're about to catch a flight back to Portland in a bit here. Our time was good at Adobe MAX. We lurked hard, exploring rooms, chowing, meeting people, seeing stuff, hanging out.

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Our list from Adobe MAX:

01. Seeing Arlie a couple times. Nice to see you, Guitarzan!
02. Seeing all the cool vintage equipment those Black Keys were playing.
03. Doing my talk to a spirited Adobe MAX crowd.
04. Manning the DDC pop-up store. Literally, it just sorta "popped up."
05. Seeing all the cool Adobe shit coming in the near future. These guys have got me.
06. Hanging with Annemarie, Terry, Amy and other Adobe-ists.
07. Hanging with James "Signalnoise" White.
08. Learning how to hand-letter under the watchful eye of Ken Barber!
09. Watching Ken deliver the always-awesome message of House Industries!
10. That big bed up in room 1238. Thread count of 800-850 Egyptian.

Thank you, Adobe MAX!

ALRIGHT, ALL YOU ADOBE MAXERS: The shit goes down at 1pm! In room 410! Get yer asses over their for our little show. Now, sure, we're not in the "big room" per se, but we will do OUR VERY BEST to command the room as if it was fuckin' Madison Square Garden or, a utility closet. Either way, we're going for broke today, so come see us lay waste. One show only, Los Angeles Adobe Max conference!

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BREAKING: Check out that PACKED FUCKING ROOM! Hell yeah, Adobe Max'ists! Thank you for filling the room up! (See above for bonafide proof.)

THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO TODAY: In the Adobe booth, 1pm, signing a poster I made. (See above.) With 101 of my logos on the thing. Weird, right? Well, that's were I'm heading now, to meet up with Annemarie and Terry from Adobe, and then to go sign some shit. Wonder how it'll go? Prob'ly just be me sitting there, crickets chirping, twiddling a couple Sharpies. Like the scene out of Spinal Tap. Ha!

Oh yeah, this Adobe MAX conference is BIG! Loads of people here!

THANK YOU, LITTLE ROCK! I had a killer time, Made By Few! That Clinton Presidential Center was beautiful. I sure was hoping to get a glimpse of Bill and Hillary, who reportedly were on the grounds, doing the rounds. Didn't seem them. Was struck by the photos of their campaign, and how young they looked. How striking Hillary was, and relaxed. She has to be so rigid now, you know? So poised. It was great seeing all the campaign stuff. I voted for Bill back in '92, wearing a button on my jacket, getting dirty looks and snorts from old timers around me in line. First time I voted. Anyhoo, a beautiful place!

Made By Few was great, and I met 323 awesome Little Rock champions! Special thanks to Arlton Lowry for rolling the dice on the DDC, and to everyone who came up to shoot the shit or bought a poster. Thank you, so so so much. We'll be back!

Got up sorta early in Little Rock this morning, caught a cab to the airport, and stood in line for an hour while some numbnut agent snailed through checking people in. Fuck. People were getting ugly! I finally got up there, got my shit in and ran to the gate. Barely made the flight. Barely.

Flew over to Los Angeles, with a quick stop in Dallas. Had a hunger for a Whataburger, but didn't have the time to go AWOL. Man, I love that logo.

Now I'm in LA, downtown, close to the Staples Center, in an undisclosed flophouse enjoying discounted Wi-Fi with a view of a million miles of Los Angeles out my window. I always forget how big this place is. Thank the cosmic dust, there's a taco truck across the street. Gonna go put a hurt on some of that shit in a bit.

Oh, damn, at the airport I walked up to get my bag from the carousel, and Marc Maron was waiting there. I walked right up to him, told him I didn't want to freak him out, but had to get a handshake. I love that podcast. So good. Nice guy. Let me take a shot of us standing there waiting for our bags. Thanks, man. Here's my recent favorite "What the Fuck" episodes:

Wayne Coyne and the classic, classic Jonathan Winters. My fingers are crossed for a Don Rickles episode!

WE'RE HERE, WE'RE READY TO GET DOWN WITH LITTLE ROCK: Today, Little Rock! We've got a slot amongst a heavy-hitter roster at the Made By Few conference! We're telling our story at 1pm. Be there, Arkansas! Tall tales. Laffs. Orange things. Bullshit. Weird beginnings. Weirder endings. Vectors. Heavy riffs. Big-ass Arkansas posters! Fired up to see some Signalnoise, too! Be there, you scrubs!

WE MADE A POSTER FOR ARKANSAS! And that's what you are seeing just north of this sentence. So much Arkansas on there. Wow. Four colors, with a big ol' hit of "Ozark mud brown" to hold 'em all in. Contain yerself. You need one of these. Unleashing them this afternoon, precisely after our half-ass speaking fiasco! Thick inks on durable fibers. Seriously! For Arkansas!

Chris Avantaggion, Ernest Borgnine's 47th cousin and Sean Wilksenson.

A BIG, OL' HAIRY RUN-ON SENTENCE FOR MAINE: Man, the Maine gig went incredibly well and it was in this awesome, folky venue with a RIPPING sound system and holy shit, AIGA Maine FILLED the whole room and a couple burly fellas were but a couple feet away from me, eyeballing me the whole show, and thank you to Sean Wilkenson for rolling the dice on me, and thanks to Chris Avantaggio for years and years of DDC internettin', and thanks to all the Might&Main folks who came, and all the VIA folks who attended, and for the beardy sound guy who rescued my ass minutes before the show, and the lobsters out in the harbor, and Stephen King's creepy awesomeness, and that big bed at the flophouse I was holed up in, and for Sean taking me to all of Portland's records stores, and for draggin' me to that sandwich joint, and thanks to all the good people who bought one of our Maine posters, and, hell, for such a cool gig, night and chance to come to Maine. Thank you. The end of this sentence.

Flying down to Little Rock, Arkansas this afternoon! Fired up! Got some official business at Made By Few tomorrow afternoon! Be there, Arkansas!

Check out the poster Chris Avantaggio designed!!! Hell yeah!

TONIGHT, MAINE: We go for broke, and deliver a BLISTERING version of our road-tested "Tall Tales From A Large Man" speaking fiasco! Be there! You know the deal. Here's the official link!

One Longfellow Square
181 State St
Portland, ME 04101

Thursday, May 2, 2013 from 6:30 PM to 8:30

Be there, you Mainers!

WE MADE A POSTER FOR MAINE: Much like we do for each state that'll allow us in. Get a load of that beast! Everything we've ever loved about Maine, jam-packed in there. Special goddamn thanks for Sean Wilkenson and Chris Avantaggio for helping out with material on this one. Mainers. Maine experts. The Maine event. Get a poster tonight, Portland! Unleashing them in a couple hours...

THANK YOU, MR./MRS./THE POSTMAN: For always having that little extra sense, to completely fuck things up out there. Thank you for damaging countless poster tubes. Or, in this case, simply leaving it in a snowbank, behind the guy's house. May rabid dogs haunt you in your dreams, forever. Or, for 14 years.

We got a couple days in Portland to scramble on "everything else" and ready ourselves for a string of speaking gigs starting this Thursday in Portland, Maine for AIGA Maine! Be there, Mainers! We made a poster for you!

I walked by this snake thing a number of times. Stopped each time to check those awesome thick lines.

COLUMBUS, THANK YOU: We had a great time at Creative South! Dinner last night was the best. Just hanging out, meeting people, eating hot dogs & burgers, arm wrestling, etc. Good shit. Thank you. I'm coming back! If you'll have me, of course! Bucket!

COLUMBUS, WE DID IT: The crowd was AMPED today! Great show. Great vibe! Thank you for coming out, everyone!

JUST A COUPLE LITTLE FLIGHTS TODAY: From Columbia to Atlanta, then Atlanta to Columbus. Easy enough. I'm heading to Creative South conference in Columbus, Georgia, into the arms of Mike Jones. Mike Jones, I give you my spirit, you beast!

But before I get into any Mike Jones-ism, check this: Today, while waiting to hop my flight out of Columbia, I'm in the food court munching some eggs and toast, I look up, and holy shit, Steve "The Colonel" Cropper is walking by. Steve Cropper! Memphis Sound! Stax! Blue Brothers! Telecaster legend!

I hopped up, went up to him and shook his hand. Told him I just saw him on PBS playing for the president! Nice, nice guy. So good.

I whipped over to Columbus, got to my hotel, incubated, went out into the world, hugged Tron, Charlie and Mama Sauce peoples at the conference, and finally got to meet Mike Jones. The guy comes from a family of Georgia redwoods, or, something. We all went for supper and I snaked out a little early to get some work done in the room, preparing for my gig tomorrow! The show must go on!

The crowd was MASSIVE! Hell yeah, Converge SE!

Gettin' "real grabby" with The Half and Half, our printin' buddies.

TODAY WE LAID WASTE TO ALL IN ATTENDANCE: And told our dumb, little story, peppered with the highs and lows of predicament. Always fun to get up there, and thank you to the hearty staff of Converge SE for making it fun, easy and awesome. And damn, Gene, good job! Such a cool conference, in a beautiful museum? Pretty awesome.

I'm just sad I didn't get to see Signalnoise, Mig OR Josh Higgins' talks. Either I was on a flight, or had to split, and I missed all the stuff I wanted to see. I did get to bullshit with all the guys, so that's good.

Josh Higgins can tell a mean story, and well, I'm no slouch when it comes to "spinning a yarn." We covered a MOUNTAIN of ground...in the following categories: Art, rock, politics, life, space, beach living, dad stuff, bass guitar, electric guitar, O, J and 46 other awesome things. Good to see you, buddy. See you in S.F., soon!

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ONCE THE GIG WAS DONE: I made my way over to the Whig, and sat with the top brass of The Half and Half. It was awesome to see Sara, Nick and the other bro who was throwing gang signs. Nicest people. Seriously. Great to ham it up with you guys a smidge. Thank you for the printing you guy do for the DDC. Our favorite part of this stuff. Thank you.

We were SWARMED by R•I•T kids, hungry for merch!

ROCHESTER, THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST: You should have seen the auditorium we were in! Incredible. Great sound, screen and, a spirited, wild crowd. And, our new buddy Toby Fitch came, and we signed his named to him, and said thank you. A cool, cool moment.

Thank you to Adam Smith and Vickie for putting together such a cool show. And, to each kid who came up to the merch table afterwards, bought some stuff, shot the shit, shared some stories. Just incredible.

And of course, each gig has a couple heroes! As the screen lifted, the merch table was behind it, ALL SET UP. So hero number one would be Buffalo's Jonathan Hughes for SAVING MY BUTT and setting up the merch. Wow, man. Thanks. And hero number two would be Erich S. Lehman, for jumping in to wrangle merch sales, like a CHAMPION. Thank you, fellas. Holy shit, that was awesome.

I mean, come on? To go and speak, hang out, meet people, have some laffs, show some work, tell some tall tales? This stuff is incredible, and I am INSANELY THANKFUL for each person who shows up and each place I get to tell my story. Thank you, big world.

We'll go ANYWHERE. Try us. We've got a track record that says just that.

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Thank you, Rochester. Now we gotta drive over to Buffalo, hop a flight down to Atlanta, and then to Columbia , South Carolina! We've got a gig with Converge SE tomorrow, and we are fired up to see our buddies Gene, Giovanni, Signalnoise, Mig Reyes and Josh Higgggggggins! Done. Bye!

WE HATE LEAVING CANADA, BUT WE GOTTA GO: On down to Buffalo, and then over to Rochester to R.I.T. to talk tonight! Be there, Rochester! Here's proof!

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PLUS, WE'RE UNLEASHING THIS ONE, TONIGHT: A poster about New York state, jampacked with everything we've ever loved about New York! Severely limited edition! Get one tonight, R.I.T.! You need this!

OUR SORTA TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO TORONTO: Today, FITC! Come hear our talk about things!